fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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