I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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