oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯