I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
