Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.