I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
