Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
