Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
