i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
