if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
handjob tips. give me some.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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