Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
