The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
