Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
