she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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