I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
