it was like his penis was on wheels.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
