benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
