So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
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Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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