It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Help. Why am I so naked?
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