i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
