He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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