Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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