i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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