I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
