youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize