lets start a swedish sibling band together
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
