I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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