There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
