a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's blow job season.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
