I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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