she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
