he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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