I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
