so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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