Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
