you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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