I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
