i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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