so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
