He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is Oprah even human
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
