I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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