Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
