You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
