I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
