Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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