If that was your dad, he is hot
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
