I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
