Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do vagina's smell?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
