just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
