Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
