Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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