I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
