nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
