I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize