I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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