I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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