I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
