I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found your dick twin last night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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