just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my shit smells like andre
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize