Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
