I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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