I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Randomize
