On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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