i don't like sucking hair
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
