Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
