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DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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