PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
