im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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