is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
