it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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