NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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