my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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