I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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