Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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