i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
