Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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