Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
