my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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