he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
