"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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