People in love make me want to vomit
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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