I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
