we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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