Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
