Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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