girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Im part way to drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
