WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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