dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
